Premonition

I suffer this approaching panic

Shaking my head fiercely to rid my mind

As if it were raining and the fear would roll

From my mind to my face

Down my neck and chest

To my toes where I stood in the puddle of the anxiety I created

And simply walk away from this…This quiet facing the gale

For, a steady quiet stream is far from the chaos that will come

And I can feel it

Straight down to the marrow of my willowy bones

A change in the rhythm of the cascading waterfall I dub my life

My very breath is shallow and quick in anticipation of the unknown

My heart is racing, feeling as if it will beat right out of my chest

 And I cry out a loud agonizing plea that no one hears but me

Because I know I can’t impede it, can’t stop it

I sleep, I dream, I know, I plead; beg for the knowledge to be concrete

To know exactly what storm I face…

Or is it that of another?

As a little girl, knowing when the phone would ring was exciting

As a teen having dreams that seemed to come to life at times seemed inevitable

As a woman being paid these gut wrenching feelings … a knowing

A blessing or a curse will always be my core reflection

Breathing acutely I ponder this sense of trepidation

Refusing to listen to what I discern already is to be

Finally, I will sleep

And tomorrow the phone will ring; I already know whose calling

I’ll turn on the television, already knowing to turn on the news

A single tear trailing down my pale cheek

Outside sirens sound

Footsteps … uniforms and badges

A knock on the door

OH could I have prevented this?

All along I knew!

Retracing the steps in my mind; I’m reeling with emotion

A shaking brings my mind to the surface

It’s my husband; just a dream he says

I fall against the pillows, turning my face towards the window

I notice the moon is full                                   

I feel wetness on my cheek

The single tear from my dream was on my face.