to a forever mother

 Small shallow breaths

To slow the rapid beats

Of my broken heart

Forever seeking a moment that

Will forever be just out of reach

A physical loss of the life of a child

A child never born

But who lived inside the womb and heart

Of a forever mother

Never forgotten

Remembered forever and always

A mother’s undying love

A constant vigil

For

What will always be

The life of a child never made imperfect

And so I will forever remember loving you

A soul untouched

By a world driven by pride

A spirit in its purest form

Free to look down upon us

Free to watch as we grow

And ready ourselves to meet our maker

And he smiles

My angel child spirit

As he knows that he will be but a season remembered

Lord take my hand

As I feel myself falling into the sadness

In the still of the quiet

With each breath

With the steady rhythm of my heart

I will remember you

A memory still

A memory always you’ll be

Forever perfect

In the still quiet moments

Forever small, forever a dream

A perfect forever dream

For the Broken

Part 1

Gone, I’ve vanished

Shadows, desolate and bitter

White smoke numbs the cry

But the tears that run down my face

Are hotter than any flame

Pictures of her haunt me

Guns and grenades didn’t aid

I’ve run from one side of the game to the other

No forgetting

The ache in my chest

Seems to take hold of my mind

My every thought

I wish desperately for Novocain

To take hold of my mind

To help me forget

Part 2

I see you

Oh desperate one

Reach for me

I’ll pull you out of the hole you think you’ve dug

Not an angel but a human being

Beating heart in rhythm to the sting you suffer

Take a bough

Run no more

No Novocain

What you seek

You will find

In the arms of the Lord

The Desparate Man

As I lay absent

I know not what I’ve done

Rapt in the soil of what is human

When all I desire is sovereignty

Toil and turn

Howling out for mercy

No one hears me

As you all are beside me

You weep as if I suffer

Oh I was, I did for an era

But it was your prayers that has stayed me

Two spirits, one body, one soul

My eyes open

And I stare past the weeping ones

My eyes open

I see you

And as my body lies in suffer

You reach for me

You seize me from the pain

From the chaos

You are the hurricane

I am the tree

And I bend

As I finally feel your love

Wash over me

And I finally have peace

A peace I tried in desperation to find here

When all along

All I had to do was open my eyes

I see you now

And you are beautiful

Beautiful Soul

Tell me a tale

One of magical places

Places where when

 You go there I’ll see

I’ll see the pure splendor

Of a face unseen

But a soul fully known

Because

We are in a season

A season of loss

Growth

But the growth of

A beautiful soul

A soul that

When I see you in heaven

All my questions will be answered

So don’t tell me that tale

Rather

Come to me in my dreams

Remind me that the reasons I’m here

And you are there

Make sense

And when I wake

Let me feel the warmth of you

Of you once in my womb

But now a extraordinary memory

In my heart

A special thread in my soul

That

Without it

The rest of this life would seem for not

Let me walk in the sand

And you’ll be the softness under my feet as I walk

You’ll be the breeze that lifts my hair

You’ll be the still small voice

The voice given with God

The voice that says

We’ll meet again

And when I lay my head to rest at night

I’ll put my hand to my core

And to you, with a still small voice

Empowered by faith

I’ll say

I’ve loved you before I met you

Warmed by the sweet memory

You, my forever child; Have bestowed onto me

Dedicated to the Unseen

Woken by an unfamiliar alteration

I knew something had changed

White lights and taut beds

You seized my hand

And looked into my eyes

As we knew what we have mislaid

And the angels weep

For the souls left on earth

Anguished the loss of what could have been

And never was

The angels cried

As they cradled chaste virtue

Reading them for what would be

And the angels smiled

Knowing what we do not

But eminence silently

Waiting

For our faith to grow strong

So we then will know

Someday

Innocence vanished on earth

 was gained above

And the angels cry

A Mother, Lost

A Mother, Lost

my heart beats

blood tepid pluse swift

so much force tiresome

too much toil and turn

when will it be sufficient

the cursing the yelling

shutting me in the bathroom

falling on the floor i reach

for my branch

what have i done

what gaffe have I permitted into

our lives

A  child within me now

at this instant

at this juncture

 i stand

holding fast to the belief

that all will be sound

holding fast to my conviction

driving in the heart of the way

i look to the babe hidden

soundly in the back seat

I pray that we make it home

in safe hands

where is home

my mentality says here with you

my spirit knows anywhere but with you

I stare at you

i recognize you

I do not

I know that babe

in the back seat

I know now that you

are you

and I'm not stupid

I know now that my trust was wrong

i placed my reliance in you

when it should have been in the Lord